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suburban streetwalker & other tragedies

by english scissors

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1.
you can lie in my bed and try to convince yourself that any kiss from means something more than it is the things i tend to enjoy have such destructive tendencies because what i imagine is your pretty face can’t stand to look at me tell the kids to look at me now i must enjoy the mild cliché of feeling sorry for myself because i end up doing such when my reflection is around i thought about which way of killing myself would look best in the petty suburban paper tell the kids to look at me now
2.
i’ve fleeted away living between shades of grey and i’m looking for a god to show me something objective treading in bare-feet scars stain skin with defeat from a time i thought i was with you and now thoughts hang like suburban christmas lights in july so meet me where the trees don’t grow sit with me for a while where the trees don’t grow so kiss me when i can’t see the sun shine the sun shines so happy; burning like a sadist i’ve been looking for you you know more than i do that’s why i bring a switchblade when you sneak up behind me so meet me where the trees don’t grow sit with me for a while where the trees don’t grow
3.
sovereignty 06:54
we filled up our soda cans with whiskey until it tastes a little more like honesty i know i haven’t been one to talk lately o how much do you want me to be? (how much do you want me to be?) are you against buying a human being i spend last week waiting for a paycheck because there’s nothing else to in town but die we’ll move out to the city and lay around all day o i haven’t dreamt for weeks (i haven’t dreamt for weeks) i drink coffee to late in the evening
4.
you’ve changed you’ve changed you’ve changed you’ve changed you’ve changed you’ve changed all you ever want to is breathe all you ever want to is sleep you’ve changed you’ve changed when’s the last time you smiled for yourself when’s the last time you breathed for yourself when’s the last time you thought for yourself you forgot to be a pacifist towards yourself you’ve changed you’ve changed you’ve changed what does joyce have to say to you now what does tolstoy have to say to you now what does heidegger say to you now what does god say to you now you’ve changed you’ve changed you’ve changed you’ve changed
5.
it’s hard to tell if it was real i saw your lips on his cheek it’s hard to tell if it was real when i left a year ago i wasn’t sure it’s hard to tell if it was real i don’t dream anymore and that might explain it’s hard to tell if it was real i wake up in the afternoon it’s hard to tell if it was real when i dream at night my teeth fall out of my mouth and onto the sidewalk outside of your door it’s hard to tell if it was real if it was might understand
6.
just try and forget about her breath in the sun for a while before it starts to rain and we have to go inside again do you want to meet after lunch today my father's getting engaged you explained if you have a moment let me know i was feeling lonely so i thought i would check in her messages explain: "my arms are around my father, I'm sorry." just try and forget about her breath in the sun for a while before it starts to rain and we have to go inside again
7.
vignettes 03:17
in the comatose of being wide awake behind your dark-framed glasses you have a complex smile tonight the suburban kids set off fireworks outside i hear you have a boyfriend now who’s everything i lack find me in hospital waiting room half-asleep i’ve stopped living for a while to give everyone a break i think i’m moving on because when i was walking in the summer rain i lit a smoke and i thought your face and the wind blew and the leaves were dancing
8.
he hopes for heaven but expects the worst his life of ration does little for his mind when he fills a laundry bin with hand-me-downs he wonders if the salvation army will be upset with a worn-out sex pistols t-shirt but the difference between faith and capital is measured and defeats the exercise perhaps his younger brother will grow into delayed trends but O the big beaten jeans his little body will never need if no one wants to listen to a failed entertainment where does the restraint come from? between his head and the microwave door he imagines the insides feel the same as he walks around all day with his head set to defrost he doesn’t know what it is but he knows it will catch up with him someday sooner than later but he says hello to lucifer and asks him if he has a light i was wondering if you needed someone to use i’ve got nothing important on the books and no excuse and if you needed a raincoat for the season i could be your military jacket with mends in the sleeves and if you needed a bed away from your parents i could be your cheap memory-foam mattress
9.
i was biking home from work on a soaking wet bicycle trees were verdant and dripping from the rain and it had just turned to dark the fog was thick and the light from passing cars was intercepting the reflective pathway and this is what i was listening to: and everything was beautiful for the first time in what feels like a very long time so come lay here, and lie with me the laundry hung on the line today so it may reminisce of springtime
10.
a razor across your skin like a paintbrush with watercolour a creation with intent of closure but when you look you find nothing nothing but wishing for the past the kind of past stings but feels better than any sort of "present" but if the colour you've painted is black and blue than we can live like malevolent portraits of each other in some gallery of souls an exhibition of blades on the other's skin and then we'll hang either alone of with the other's blue blood running black on the skin where your razor once laid

about

this is an album i did in the summer of 2013. i recorded it in my bedroom, usually on a nocturnal schedule. this album means a lot of different things to me that aren't found on the previous two eps. musically, i think it's a lot less ambitious and probably more accessible to people. there is the obvious addition of more instrumentation—notably everything that isn't voice or guitar (that's all I used before). i spent many hours this summer listening to bands like joy division, and the jesus and mary chain, and flaming lips, and the knife, and the books, and sonic youth. i also spent many hours listening/reading the lyrics of belle & sebastian, and bob dylan, and jens lekman, and morrissey, and the mountain goats, and silver jews. (i don't think it make sense to talk about the album without mentioning everyone i'm stealing from). in a lot of ways, this album is about me, i think all the songs are from my point of view, at least, but i think there are enough people that are either currently in these situations or have been in these situations that you might understand. you know how nietzsche says "a nihilist is a man who judges of the world as it is that it ought not to be, and of the world as it ought to be that it does not exist[...]the pathos of 'in vain' is the nihilists' pathos — at the same time, as pathos, an inconsistency on the part of the nihilists." well that may have sounded very appealing at many moments in the past year. this album was for me and attempt at coping with some metaphysical predicaments i had found myself in. i hope this doesn't come off self-righteous.

credits

released October 15, 2013

written, performed, produced, mixed, edited, and conceptualized by: nicolas mertens
lyric revisions by: simone hyttinen, victoria bigliardi
album cover by: arezu sama
photography: heather wilson
spiritual guidance/mgmt: candice urech
instruments/equipment on this album: fender telecaster standard, taylor 113e, gibson standard sg, vox ac30, zt lunchbox, m-audio oxygen 49, ableton live 8, garageband, audio techinica microphones, boss phaser, loop station and delay; behringer tuner, way huge swollen pickle jumbo fuzz, z-vex lo-fi junky, line 6 verbzilla, akai midi controller, cb drums, various drum machines, hohner blues harp, &c.

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english scissors Toronto, Ontario

musician and student of philosophy/comparative literature in toronto, ontario, canada—hopeless in all efforts.

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